Monday, October 22, 2007

"Calling All Wanderoos! Holy Mogili Hanuman"

This just in from Reuters: Mumbai Memoires,
(Formerly: Bombay Bombast)

"Mayoral Manque Molested by Macacques! Manslaughter? Maybe."

Not to make light of the sad, perhaps even tragic, end of the Deputy Mayor of New Delhi,
(India, not Tobacco, for my GTA pals)

But if the World's Very First "Funny" really was, helpless mirth at the bizzaro demise, of any one of us, then this raga-saga deserves some attention.

It's reported that the vic. was taking his ease, on his first floor balcony, when he was beset by (rhesus) macacques, who having no way to make a living, in the deforested jungle, have joined everyone else, urbanization-wize.

Ever alert for the main chance, this mob's mummery had failed to amuse our mayoral manque, and the expected treats, (according to their key spokes-macacque, Thelonius) were un-vouchsafed.

Perhaps had he been somewhat less niggardly with the Oolong, chapattis and pa'an, the brutes may have supped and seceeded, rather than driving the poor man to mimic Chil, (the kite) in a manner reminiscent of the Bandar log, and launch himself into the jasmine scented, evening breeze,

Thence, both he and his gravitas declined swiftly to a premature conclusion as his noggin came almost to earth, interupted ultimately, by paving stones that exceeded even his official density.

Uncomfirmed rumours suggest that his long suffering wife Raksha, a Green Peace advocate, has advised his surviving male relations, that due to declining forestry everywhere, there shall be no sati for her and they had best save their bhats for sticky wickets,

As she was off to Sandals, (Costa Lotta) the instant the insurance cheque is marque-ed at the banque.

Priveledged, by their association with Hindi Deity, (Hanuman) mucho street-smart macacques roam the cities, in ever larger cabals throughout the sub-continent.

They recruit+train Sacred Cows, form Mounted Cavalry!

To deal with these scofflaws, none of whom has ever contributed a single rupee in tax, Delhi Planners have a dhilly of an idea.

Hire Leapin' Langurs! Hopefully pretrained in advanced macacque attack, (part-time, no bonobofits) to manger these marauders.

Gibbon they can cut the mango, they will have to take an 'Offsite" refresher, at either Blackwater's 'Skull Island,'

Or, on al-Qaida's, now famously popular 'Monkey Bars,'

Re-run so often, on Fox+CNN, lo these many long years,

That senior juniors, now think of Wolf as

An inconvenient blister, on the palm sisters.

We don't want to nitpick but the proboscis is that, other than humumans and a few of our chimpish cousins,

Most monkeys prefer fruits, nuts, flowers + other assorted flora, to lusting for fresh flesh.

(Our fricasseed leg of insurance salesperson (avec remoulade) simply stunned the judges, this Autumn at the Fair.)

Many monks, when not eating, like to socialize, and 'Downtown' macacques, now know the city like the back of their,

Ah, so what if they start an insurgency and recruit the langurs to their cause?

And if langurs succumb to Shiva, adding the second leg to this "Milking Stool of Evil,"

Will lemurs demures, or jump at the first oppo to compleat this terrorist triumvirate,

Thus increasing the Madras rice to re-alms?

"There is no ghee at the U.N over this criminal chutney" said a U.S. spokespinner, clarifying what Condi meant.

Sri Langourous Tamils call langurs "Wanderoos" so, what if the coalition sub-lets a portion of this contract to Tigers?

Vishnu knows they could use the work, aside from macacques, there's LOTS of tasty flesh just walking around for the pouncing?

Which, of course, brings us to Ganesh.

The moment that those metropolitan macacques become howdah houris, who will give a fig, or a care, for Hormuz and where will that leave us?

There are highly confimed reports that yet another cell is operating openly at Gib, the key to the Med, talk of Barbaritry abounds.

Pres. Bush will appoint ex-Sen and erst contender Allen, as Plenopotentiary to Darwin, on a fact-finding mission regarding this troubling escalation in macacque manoeuvers.

Sorry to leave you swingin' here, Folks but its the last subway stop, Kipling, we'll have to scout out a colobus or hike from here,

No great Hulla Baloo.

DYB, DYB, DYB... every day.